ASA LARSON

NYSU: How do you feel at this moment [wearing the Yukata]? 

Asa: I am so excited. I'm mixed Japanese and Norwegian, so it's an interesting mix, but I think I always constantly feel like I have to fight for my heritage. I always have to prove to myself that I'm Japanese or that I'm Norwegian – that middle. Wearing a Yukata makes me feel so happy, so nostalgic, for my childhood. I used to live in Nagoya for a few years so I’m having the memories of [being there]. [For example], Yukatas are usually worn at festivals called Matsui – think Coney Island, but the Japanese edition. There’s usually a shrine with beautiful cherry blossoms, and you get to eat all the taiyaki, or all the food you want. There are games there, and everyone dresses up in [Yukatas], men and women. Everyone just has that festival spirit in the atmosphere. It really reminds me of summer – good memories and fireworks. 

You grew up in Japan? 

I lived there for about three years – from 2018 to 2021. I came back during the pandemic. I grew up in Minnesota, actually. 

Being that you're Japanese and Norwegian, how did you grow up with both cultures? 

It showed mostly in the way that my parents decorated our house, oddly enough. We would have a very Scandinavian kitchen, but then our living room would have all [these] beautiful Japanese rice panels with the beautiful Washi, which is – I'm not sure how to explain it – very thin paper that are usually used for lanterns. So we'd have that, and just the combination between my mom, who's blonde and 5 foot 10, and my dad, who's Japanese. It was just such a fusion and growing up, I never even thought differently of bringing rice balls to school. It was just part of my life, or Lefse, which is a Norwegian potato pancake. I would just bring the most random things [to school], and that was just my normal. 

You were mentioning that you're always fighting to just prove that you're both [Japanese and Norwegian], what does that even mean? What does that feel like? 

Honestly, I think everyone who's mixed race can definitely vouch that it's one of the hardest questions to answer – just trying to find where you belong. When I lived in Japan, it was always, “Oh, you're half American,” or, “Oh, you must not be Japanese.” But then when I'm here [in America], it’s always, “You're Asian [but] you look white.” It's always these offhand comments that I don't think people realize can be offensive. But the more they’re said to me repeatedly, I just think, “Am I faking [who I am]?” It is almost gaslighting me in that way. But I found that the easiest way to really balance everything is to be around people who love and accept me – I don't want to waste my time with people who just won't understand who I am, and that means making my Onigiri for lunch or my little Bento boxes. I am Shinto, so praying and having the shrine in my house for my ancestors – things like that. I've decided to be unapologetically me from now on, and that took a long time. It wasn’t until college that I started going by [Ah-sah]. People would mispronounce my name as [Aye-sah] and I was too nervous to ever, ever say anything. So I only had my voice starting, probably, when I was 18. After that, I moved to Japan. I really wanted to understand more about that culture and that side of me. My grandma recently died, my Japanese grandma, so it was just the way that I got to hold on to her. 

How do you continue to connect with your Japanese heritage? 

I try to volunteer and teach English to Japanese students who come to America to learn. That's one of my favorite things. I just love being involved as much as possible in the Japanese community. My boyfriend is Chinese and a lot of my friends are from different places in Asia – Japan has a very strained relationship with most places in Asia – so I actually found that me being a representation of both American and Japanese has helped break through some unconscious biases that my friends, even though they're American-born Asian, still have from their parents. That connection has been really important to me. For example, my Japanese grandmother had nothing made in China in her house. Asian relationships are so difficult because everyone has so much history and so many deep traditions that collide with each other, so I try really hard to show all my friends [otherwise]. Especially my partner, since he’s Chinese, and his family is very traditionally anti-Japanese Chinese, so trying to teach [his family] that I'm not a demon, basically, and trying to cook for them and show them I'm not as scary [as they perceive]. Japan's not as scary as it seems. 

When you reached out to us, you said, “I'm not sure [if I can participate in this campaign] because I'm white passing. And we said, “No, you're still Japanese whether or not you think you look Japanese.” Is that something that comes up a lot, or do you have that at the back of your mind a lot? 

It's definitely still at the back of my mind. I understand that being white-passing comes with a lot of differences to people who are fully Asian and look fully Asian. I can usually pass as white, [and that] can work as an advantage. I’m mindful of the struggles [visibly non-white Asians] have in America compared to mine. I always want to give opportunities to people who were born in Japan or from Asia — people who may have struggled a lot more than I have because I’m mixed. 

That's interesting because you're still struggling in your own way, so it wouldn't even be a comparison of struggles. 

Yeah, I guess. It's still internalized. I'm definitely working through it still. 

When's the last time you wore a Yukata, and how do you normally feel wearing it? How has your Japanese culture influenced your identity? 

Last time [I wore the Yukata] was actually Japan Fest in the summer. It was an event where, if you wore your traditional Yukata, your picture was taken and promoted, and then you got a fan, or free things. So all of my friends and I dressed up, even if [some of my friends] weren't Japanese. They all got Yukatas, and I got to tie it for them. It was so cute. And when we went [to Japan Fest], everyone was taking pictures of us, obviously with consent, but everyone was so excited to see us. Even some Japanese aunties came up to us and were like, “You guys look beautiful. We love it.” That was the first time I wore my Yukata in America also. I always thought maybe it'd be considered cringe or it'd be weird to just be out in traditional wear in America, where traditional wear isn't really expressed, but it was so fun. It was amazing. And I wore it on the train and everything. I went out all day with it. It was freeing in a way. 

Freeing, how so? 

Because I think I've always been worried about being perceived wrong or just being perceived as someone who's just obsessed with anime – that type of Japanese culture – because people couldn't see me as Japanese [any other way]. Even in Japan, I physically stood out because I’m so tall. I'm five eight, and the average for men is like 5 '6 or 5' 7. So even when I'm standing on the street, I'm looking over everyone's heads. I stood out a lot so I got used to being stared out in a way that made me really uncomfortable. I didn't want to repeat that experience [in America], but with the reverse effect. 

I see what you're saying. 

But when I did [wear my Yukata here], I had no regrets. I loved it. I was [surrounded] by my friends all day. It was so fun. 

What do you think is the intersectionality between being a woman and belonging to your Japanese culture? And also, you have another layer too, because you're mixed race. There's a lot of [unsaid] nuance there. 

I could go on about this for hours. I'll try to keep it as short as possible, but my mother raised me to be as strong and as independent as a woman, especially with difficulties with how women are treated in society. She raised me to be as strong as possible that I could achieve anything I wanted to do or be. However, the Japanese side of things is very different. I think [this topic] gets pushed away or washed away a lot, but sexism, when I lived in Japan, was visibly terrible, and that was the first time I ever felt that I wasn't an equal as a woman, especially since I grew up in America – that was a huge culture shock for me. I was so excited to go over [to Japan] and experience it, but I would be with my male friends and the person who I was ordering from would only talk to my male friend – wouldn't address me directly. There were a lot of things, like job opportunities [in Japan] for women would be paid 20 grand less. That really had me thinking about what I wanted for myself as a woman, especially as a woman who was raised by a very strong Norwegian woman versus the part of me that's Japanese who’s trying to hold onto some traditional values [on that side]. In Japanese culture, women are meant to be submissive and very small, and speaking their mind wasn't really a thing. I even had trouble connecting and making friends who are women because I was too open, just for speaking my mind – things like that. 

Do you think that [cultural difference] influences your own relationship with Japanese culture? 

Yeah, it did. I was dead set on living there, but then after I actually lived there for a few years, I realized that I always saw Japanese culture with a golden lens – the honeymoon phase. Everything looked sparkly. But going there, I realized, for all cultures, there are good and bad aspects. The part of me that really wants to maintain my individuality – as a woman with a professional career in business, as a woman in a [heterosexual] relationship – and I wanted to be different from the traditional Japanese aspect of it. That was a lot for me to process. I think I'm still trying to balance between what I thought was expected of me, expected of me as a Japanese partner, and then what's expected of me, what I want to be perceived as in my relationships. 

You're in a unique position because you can get the best of both cultures, Norwegian and Japanese, and make it your own.

I know I haven't yet found a community [in New York] of Japanese women around my age, but I'm desperately searching because I would love to just find that community where we can all kind of grow out of whatever traumas or whatever beliefs we are stuck with, and find our identities in New York City, and America, that can actually be different and expressive. 

What is your main takeaway from being a part of this Roots & Radiance campaign and really representing your Japanese side? 

Actually, my first experience goes way back with [Now You See Us] at the tea [workshop] with Jen Osaki. I was there and that's how I kind of got connected with [Now You See Us], and I remember sitting at that table and thinking, “Oh my god, this is a community. This is what it feels like.” I feel calm and so excited for this [Roots & Radiance] opportunity because I knew what the atmosphere would feel like and it feels like home, almost. It feels like a community of acceptance – it wasn’t like I walked through the door and someone [asking me], “What are you doing here?” I felt welcomed and that's so exciting. Then to get pictures taken of me in [my Yukata] — it feels like I’m being told that I'm beautiful. And being around so many different beautiful [clothing] – like the Hanbok – is so gorgeous. It’s exactly what I was looking for in New York City – women supporting women.