DEB JUNGIN KIM

NYSU: When's the last time you wore – how do you pronounce [your Korean dress]? 

Deb: Hanbok. 

Yeah. When's the last time you wore [the Hanbok]? 

I don't remember. I think it's been a few years. Yeah, I think I wore it for a New Year's [event] or my nephew's baptism or something. Yeah, something like that. 

What drew you to the idea of this [Roots & Radiance] photoshoot and your reason to wear it? 

I don't get to wear [the Hanbok] often. So if I have a reason to, why not? It's fun. It's fun to wear it. When I was a baby, I hated it. I thought it was so ugly so I never wanted to wear it. But now if I have the chance, I would totally wear it. 

What is it about now that makes you feel like you want to take advantage of wearing it more often? 

I think knowing that the opportunity to wear it doesn't come often [makes me want to wear it more]. It's just… it's authentic. There's nowhere else except in my culture where we would have to wear this. 

I thought it was interesting when you were [telling another model] that there are different beauty standards when it comes to being Korean and Korean American. What does that mean to you? What is the difference between being fully Korean versus Korean American? How does that differ? 

I think anywhere you go, even within a country, the beauty standards can change. And so yeah. I just feel like what is beautiful in Korea versus here is really different. And there's a very —  it's called “gyopo.” Gyopo means you're a Korean American or you're Korean Australian – you're Korean, but in a different country. There's a very gyopo look. Sometimes when people look at me, I feel like they think, “Oh, you look so Korean.” And other times people think, “You look very ambiguous.” And so sometimes I am curious about who I look pretty to. What standards do I fit into and where? I have a lot of different looks that I like to try with my makeup or my outfits. I feel like – not even in the cultural sense – sometimes I look very girly and sometimes I don’t. I don't know who I look [pretty] to that day. 

And that’s based on what people's stereotypes are and what “beauty” is according to you as a Korean. 

Right, or if I'm dressed more girly because I have a skirt on. As an Asian girl, I feel like people automatically think I'm this school girl versus how I'm dressed today [with a t-shirt and baggy jeans]. They think, “Oh, you're one of those dancer girls.” 

Right, so you're kind of just categorized either way.

I think people's demeanor about me immediately changes based on the way I dress each day. 

Then, how do you feel when you're wearing the Hanbok? 

I feel like I just know I'm pretty. It's like, if you don't like my traditional wear, then I don't care [because] I like it. 

How do you think it plays into your relationship with Korean culture? How do you carry your cultural identity alongside who you are overall, uniquely as Deb, and also as Deb as a Korean American? 

I think it comes out in a lot of the artistic choices I make. My tattoos have to do with my culture. And when I make music, I make it bilingual. I think that's kind of how I embrace being in this hyphenated culture: When someone looks at it [at first], they might not know. If someone hears my songs, they only understand half of it. But if you're a Korean American like me, you're probably going to understand all of it as opposed to if you're a Korean Korean, who isn’t going to fully understand. If you're totally an English speaker, you might not either. As children of immigrants, we always have Spanglish or Konglish, or we always have our own [third culture] language. I am representing those people. 

I love that you're putting your third-culture identity as that layer in between. 

Yeah, that's our culture. We all go through, “Who am I?” or “I'm not enough of this or that.” But instead of thinking we’re fragmented, I think we just have multitudes. 

How would you navigate the intersectionality between being a woman in America and being Korean in America? 

I think I’m often expected to walk a very specific path that others have tried to map out for me as an Asian woman, in terms of the way I should carry myself. I don’t think I’d ever shy away from trying to understand what womanhood and Koreanness mean to me, but I also am learning to accept that my journey won’t look like what someone else thought it should.

Yeah. Exactly. That’s what you were mentioning before too, about this definition of pretty or beauty, and it's kind of like, there's already someone's idea of that. 

And who decided that that is the ultimate standard? 

How do you want to continue challenging that standard? 

I think about this a lot because I grew up not feeling super feminine. I have this side of me that's small and bubbly and cute, but then there's this other side of me that's a little bit edgy. I think that throws people off. But [again], all people contain multitudes so why not just [be that way]? Why not just do all of it? Because it’s not going to fit one person's mold on any day. So now, I'm just feeling more free to express all avenues of it. 

Yeah, no, that makes sense. There's no controlling that, so you control your narrative and how you want to be seen. What do you feel like you're most proud of in being Korean? 

I think Korean people are very poetic. The language and the way [we] express things is very naturally poetic. The way [we] have responded to oppression and pain – it's very poetic. 

Maybe that's what you’re embracing as an artist, too. 

There's this word called “Han,” and it can mean a lot of different things. But it can also mean Korean — like the Korean language is called Hangeul, and the country's called Hanguk. The word Han itself has another meaning, and it’s this …. loss. And everyone feels it. If you're Korean, even if you didn't grow up in Korea, you feel that emptiness. 

Oh, I just got chills. That's so beautiful. 

And so, I don't know. I think it might sound weird to say I'm proud of it, but that encapsulates the emotion of Koreans in one word. 

And maybe that's where the poetic-ness grows from. 

Yeah, it comes from there.