RAELENE OSMA

NYSU:  How do you feel in general right now at this moment?

Raelene: It feels nice. It's nice to work with everybody here and see the different cultures and the different clothing – it's all very pretty and so beautiful. That's something I didn't think I appreciated back then and I definitely appreciate it more now that I'm older.

You chose to wear a traditional dress for your wedding. What was the inspiration for that decision? 

Yeah, I really don't know. My cousin had also asked [the family] to wear traditional wear to her wedding, and I had a traditional shirt, but just wore something simple on the bottom. Then my cousin's wife told me about this website called Vinta Gallery, where they did all the traditional modern Filipino [clothing]. That's where it kind of started back then – two years ago. Then when I got engaged and I started planning the wedding, I [thought to myself], “I wish I had more Filipino things incorporated into everything I wanted [for the wedding].” The whole Filipino ceremony is called Cord, Veil, and Coins, to symbolize your union and your love, and everything like that. I also wanted to support the Filipino community in Jersey as well. So I asked [Pint Provisions] for her baked goods, and I even had [my friend] Bernie be my DJ. I even looked up Filipino jewelry and Filipino hair pieces from the Philippines. I [found a business] on Instagram, and they sent it to me overseas. I tried to make [my wedding] so Filipino because growing up and seeing everything that was happening in the world, being so out of touch with who I am as a Filipino person, [and] not knowing what my parents lived in or what they went through — I just wanted to get more in touch [with my heritage] that way.

How do you feel like your Filipino culture – being intentional about representing your culture – influences your everyday life?

Being a child of immigrants, there are a lot of things that I am missing out on. But with food — I try to bring more Filipino dishes back. Even when I’m at home decorating, I try to look for Filipino artists too — and Filipino elements. [I want to] let everyone know this is who I am and this is how I'm going to live. In everyday life, it's about being more mindful that everyone has their own history and background struggles. Being aware of what the Philippines went through, I am able to empathize a lot more, especially with what's happening [in the world] today. I can't not think any other way, and I can't look the other way either. 

What do you think the difference is in growing up in a Filipino household where culture is all around versus choosing your culture and choosing to be part of that culture? 

When you're younger, you don't understand the importance of all of these [cultural] things. You just want to play. You don't want to listen to [your] parents. I would say, “Ugh, why do I have to do all of [this Filipino traditions]?” Not understanding why they are doing it, but you just don't appreciate that as a child, [even though] you do see it. And when you bring [your culture] to other cultures, you meet people who are not like you. You see that others don't do [the same traditions],  and then that's when you start realizing, “I'm different.” As I get older – it's not that I didn't embrace it – I truly didn't understand what it meant to be Filipino or what it meant to be a Filipino American, which are two different things — like being in the diaspora. I can't connect to anyone back in the Philippines, but I can connect to people [in America]. So me choosing my culture now is a way for me to make up for all of those lost years because there's always guilt in me that I wish I tried harder. I wish I learned the language. I wish I learned more about the [Filipino] history and learned how to cook better, too. So it's really just making up lost time.

That's your evolving relationship with your culture. How do you want to continue to grow that relationship? 

Honestly, it's just choosing, always choosing [my Filipino culture].

What do you think is the intersectionality between being a woman and being a woman in America? How has that influenced your own identity? 

Well, it's a lot of trauma dumping, but obviously, growing up as a woman is hard. Then growing up as a Filipino girl with parents who are super conservative and religious is [also] hard because you see all your friends having all this fun, but then your parents are telling you, “No, you can't do this. You can't do that because you are a girl.” You also have the added burden of being the only girl in the family, you have that East Asian mentality where your family's always first, never yourself. There's that Western Eastern divide. Then there's also that whole – I don't remember the Filipino Tagalog word for it – but it was always devotion to your family, always putting them first [mentality]. It was growing up here in America where individualism was always emphasized but it was really hard to reconcile that growing up. I wanted to make my own mistakes. I wanted to do this and that, but I was never allowed to, so I got out of the house. 

How do you find yourself in between how you've grown up in a Filipino household while staying true to who you are? It’s what you were saying about that inner conflict between individualism and collectivism, then finding yourself somewhere in between the two. 

I’m still trying to still find who I am, what I like, while still trying to balance that devotion to family, to others, as well. It's really a lot of give and take. I mean, it's not just being Filipino, it's like just being a human being, too. 

Is there a name for a Filipino dress? 

[The sleeves] are called Terno, or butterfly sleeves. The whole entire – I might be wrong – style is called Filipiniana. 

This is probably your second time wearing [your dress]? The first being your wedding?

This [specific] dress? My second.

How does it feel? 

It feels good. It’s nice to know I can still fit in it because I have not worked out. But it's nice to wear it again. Also, it really does bring up memories – sitting in the makeup chair and getting ready for my wedding day. [Wearing this dress] really did bring up memories of how that was such a good day. 

What has been your takeaway so far with the Roots & Radiance experience? 

Honestly, just being able to show off that this is my culture, but still being me in the modern sense. And really seeing everybody – the different fabrics, the different textures, and then the hardware, the gold and the silver and whatnot – everyone's so beautiful.

What are you most proud of as a Filipino?

Most proud of? I don't know. I’m still trying to figure that out. I'm sure I know what I’ve accomplished. I know what I am. I know who I am, but it's just like, I don't know what to be proud of at the moment because I've only lived for so long. We still have the rest of our lives to figure out.